Saturday, August 23

Back to school ... kind of





Behold, the almighty trailer. It's what many CMS children learn in. I have a friend who's been teaching in Charlotte for four years now, and had a trailer every year. Schools are opening over capacity, and some kids have to eat lunch at 10 a.m.

Yeah, I can see why Eric Smith bailed six years ago. And the fact that bonds barely pass on the ballot, I can see why private and home schools are becoming more and more of an option. 

CMS=Currently Messing (Up) Schools.

Welcome back, kids! 

Tuesday, August 19

House-Hunting, Pt. 1-Plaza-Midwood


Plaza-Midwood has become the chic spot for Charlotte in recent years. Once an area that the city had given up on (and that title now belongs to Independence Blvd.), it has been revitalized and cleaned up for the most part in an effort to attract younger people. So far, so good.

My friend and his wife recently bought a place there and really like it. So I decided to take a drive out there and see what it's all about. Here's what I found:

Pluses
1. Really close to uptown, which is where I work. I'd say like 10 minutes max, and you don't have to deal with the hell that is Charlotte traffic (Satan currently resides on I-485 every day from 4:30 p.m.-6 p.m.)
2. Some great surroundings. There's the trendy shops, and cool spots such as Thomas Street Tavern, Dish, Zada Jane's and the best bar people haven't heard of yet—Thirsty Beaver.
3. This seems like a place that isn't going to lose value anytime soon. There are buildings/developments shooting up everywhere, and it's become really attractive for the people that are steadily moving into the city.

Minuses
1. The problem with rebuilding areas is that it takes time. There's definitely some questionable spots remaining. This easily could be said about a number of areas in Charlotte, but recent crime has apparently caused the formation of an armed neighborhood patrol. Is that even legal?
2. Looks like I went into this neighborhood a little too late. For what I'm looking for and my budget, the prices are out of my range. I found a nice little house that had three bedrooms. Unfortunately, it only had one bathroom. Oh, and the matter that the place was $295,000. Seriously.


So, sorry Midwood. I've crossed you off my list. While I'm diggin' the location and everything it has to offer, $300,000 is a little much for someplace that has just one bathroom. I have that at my apartment already.

There's something to be said for location, but there's also something to be said for being able to brush your teeth without having to cram two other people in your loo.

Tuesday, August 12

Searching for a home




As much as I love Ballantyne, it's time to venture to a new spot in the Queen City. That's right, I'm taking the plunge into buying a place. Figured it's as best a time as ever after hearing some horror stories from friends on how they're losing money on some of their places. 

It's a nervous yet excited feeling, especially since I have to be out of my apartment in less than two months. But there seems to be tons of places out there, now it just comes down to where I want to go. I've already ruled out any farther south (sorry, Rock Hill/Lancaster, I just can't cross over into a state whose motto is "Last in Everything!), but other than that, I'm wide open.

So, join me as I write about my findings in Charlotte's different neighborhoods. Any suggestions are welcome, but remember, I'm a journalist, not a banker (which means anywhere uptown is likely out unless I get two roommates and/or start giving plasma once a week).

Wednesday, August 6

When Marketing Goes Bad, Panthers edition




Not that they could have seen this coming (nor did Ken Lucas), but the above ad sure backfired, huh?

Nothing like opening the season on the road against a team picked by some to win the Super Bowl without your star player.

Friday, August 1

Queen City Primetime

TV shows are invading Charlotte!

About a year ago, Hell's Kitchen had auditions here, with three people from the area making it onto the culinary show. Lou Petrozza ended up going all the way to the finals before losing.

And this week, three more shows are in town. Extreme Makeover has been over in East Charlotte renovating a house. Hopefully, the family that receives this will be a little smarter than these people.

But that's not the big news. A new home for a family that needs it? We as a nation don't care about that. There are more important things going on. 

The Bachelor! In Charlotte! Rock of Love! In Charlotte! OMG OMG!!!!

First up, Bachelor auditions were last night during Alive After Five. Tons of girls (and a few cougars) got dolled up to, as one girl put it, "find love." On a TV show. Right. 

And to cover their bases (not really), here was one of the application questionnaires:

Are you genuinely looking to get married?                      Y                  N

Further down (way down) the reality TV chain, Rock of Love is holding casting tonight (Fri.) for the third season. What? Bret and Ambre didn't work out? Shocking!

If you are so inclined, head down to the Breakfast Club (would it be anywhere else?) tonight at 8 p.m.

But make sure to fill this criteria, as stated by the release: 

"If you are a sexy single lady looking for love who can party like a rock star, then this is the show for you."

Wednesday, July 30

Dogbar

This month's Charlotte magazine had a great cover feature on pets. Makes me want a dog even more. Unfortunately, I don't own one...I'd like to have a house and a yard so the dog doesn't feel as sheltered, and then there's also the fact that I'm not around my place a lot so I don't know if I'd be the best pet parent. Maybe if I ever settle down.

Anyway, I enjoy the company of all my friends' dogs, and a lot of time we head out to Dogbar in NoDa. It's a great concept—you get to drink and congregate, while your dog can play with other dogs and run around. There's also other things going on....Wednesday nights they have Cornhole (which has taken the country by storm in the last couple of years) and Thursdays there's Wii bowling (ditto). Sometimes there's even live music.

But you can't beat sitting on the tables outside and watching all the dogs play. Quite hilarious. Also a good way to meet people. And yes, you are responsible for cleaning up after your pet, unlike those who are at my apartment complex (lazy bastards).

Here's the link to Dogbar's Web site, check it out sometime. It's a fun way to spend a summer night, and gets your pet some exercise as well. Win-win, or win-win-win, as Michael Scott would say.

Sunday, July 27

Breaking News: Gas doesn't cost a firstborn child (for now)

So, all this weekend during my travels, I noticed something.

Something I hadn't seen in a while: Gas prices that didn't have a $4 in front of them. Up at Lake Norman, it was $3.80. Over on Tyvola, $3.90.

Who would have thought that Charlotteans would actually be rejoicing over $3.90 gas prices? Here down in Ballantyne, myself and others have been driving the extra seven miles into Lancaster, S.C., where gas is about 7 or 8 cents cheaper. But maybe I can actually start getting gas in the city again.

So even though this may be short-lived ($5 a gallon, here we come!), time to celebrate as a city. How? By driving around the big gas-guzzling SUVs, a Charlotte staple.

Wednesday, July 23

Yup-Town Status



Above is a Ed Hardy shirt. It is THE must-have of the status fashion. Been around for about a year now, but it has really made its way into the Charlotte area. It's hard to go out on a weekend night and not see one. Apparently, you're not cool unless you have one of these wildly designed shirts. Uptown and Ballantyne are the two places where you'll likely more than likely make a sighting. 

But here's the rub. One of these shirts costs anywhere from $60-$180. For a T-Shirt. (Don't believe me? Check here. Kind of hard to wrap my head around. When I went to Nordstrom and asked a lady who works there about the shirts and their mind-boggling prices, she replied that it was a strong fabric and it would last a long time. To which I thought, "Hey, my Panthers 2003 NFC Championship shirt has lasted five years, so that must be a strong fabric too." Except that was $20.

I have yet to buy an Ed Hardy T-shirt. (Anyone that wants to donate one, I'm an XL. Hit me up on the Yup-Town gmail account). Let's say the average price of one is $100. To think what that money could be better used for, well, this blog just isn't long enough to list it all. And for a $100 T-shirt, wearing it wouldn't be enough. It would have to talk to me and play music as well. That's when I would feel I'd be getting my money's worth.

But as I've seen, some people don't mind blowing a utility bill, filling up your car twice or two weeks worth of groceries on a brightly colored shirt with a skull on it. So bravo, Mr. Hardy. You've got them all fooled.

Thursday, July 17

The Takeover


As Mike G. mentioned a while back, I'm (meaning the Ballantyne Big Dog) heading up this look into the world that is the Queen City for the next couple of months or so. Maybe longer, depending on how I'm welcomed (but judging by the lack of comments on any previous post, I've got some work to do).

While Mike is gone, I'll try to carry the torch and keep the readers abreast of what's going on in Charlotte and beyond. Not only downtown, but out in south Charlotte, or as the bourgeoisie call it, "Ballantyne." And all the good places in between. Don't worry, while Mike has left, his compadres remain. You'll still be getting various posts from the likes of Jurassic Jake & Co.

Now, a little about me. Lived in Charlotte for a good amount of my young life, enough to slightly remember a time before Bank of America and Harris Teeter took over the city. Was sad when the Hornets left. Was happy when the Sting left. I often wonder how many Wachovia towers this city really needs. Maybe a certain someone should have had the same thought. I have yet to go to the newest craze in Charlotte, the Epicentre, but plan on doing so as soon as I figure out the correct dress code. Music is my best friend (there's a catchy CSS reference for you), but too often have to make the drive to Atlanta to see a good band. Maybe once every country act in the world doesn't have to populate Charlotte every summer, just a thought.

The best wings are found at Moosehead, and there are to be no arguments about this. The best milkshake is a battle between Pike's and Mr. K's. Best place to see a fight is 2:15 a.m. on the street right outside of Buckhead Saloon. The best bar? Well, that's a whole 'nother series of posts.

Feel free to hit up the e-mail link or just comment below with your thoughts, dreams and ideas. 

Thursday, July 10

Introducing Yup-Town's new author

You may already know him as the Ballantyne Big Dog, who has previously posted on Chris Rock and Kanye West and demanded that you come party in the burbs. Starting next week, he will be lifting up his left leg and claiming this blog all for himself. But since he's a Southern gentleman, he decided to introduce himself first.Salutations.

Get ready for the Yup-Town invasion from the South. Ballantyne, that is. I'm coming in parachute-style, like the Russians did at the Wolverines' high school in "Red Dawn."

But don't fret, readers. Most of the content you have come to know and love on this blog will remain the same. Except I don't have as many friends who get shot or almost shot. I promise to try and work on that.

More on what I'm about will be coming next week. For now, let's discuss something that is affecting us Charlotteans more and more.

The attempts by Harris Teeter to control everyday life.

First off, out in south Charlotte where I live, HT has established a monopoly. There are seriously three (THREE!) within a 3.5-mile radius. How lazy can one get? Really, is the one in Stonecrest better than the one on Ballantyne Commons? Do the employees have Teeter-offs? These are things I'd like to see, rather than that stupid dragon offering me a day-old sugar cookie.

Then, there's the VIC card. This little piece of plastic that hangs on my keychain seems to offer "deals," but it also offers hassles. If, for some reason, you don't have the holy card, now the Teeter can find it by asking for your phone number. No thanks, Big Brother Harris. I'm onto you. You're not fooling me with your double-agent sushi chefs and deli workers.

Also, whenever the VIC card is scanned, they always say, "Thank you, Mr. (or Mrs./Ms.___." For me, here's the thing: The last name they call me isn't mine, but an old college buddy's. How I got his VIC card is beyond me, but it'll make me feel better if I'm ever the subject of one of those "Security Check" announcements you always hear over the intercom.

Finally, U-SCAN: designed to save you time, but ends up doing the exact opposite. If you're buying alcohol, it doesn't matter if you're 8 or 80; you get the "please show your ID to the register now." However, half the time the register attendant isn't there, so you end up waiting. Since they're so intent on getting your information, they might as well have a retina/facial scan there. At least I'd be able to walk out with a 6-pack quicker.

I guess I could always choose another grocery store, like Lowe's or Food Lion. But I keep getting drawn to the Teeter. Guess their strategy is working.

Tips for i-banker vacations

From one who recently jetted away for a very sunny and sandy extended weekend:

"You have to go far away (so your blackberry doesn't work) and take expensive ones (so they are less likely to cancel them because then they have to reimburse you)."

These guys never cease to impress me.

Monday, July 7

Celebrate me

Yup-Town will be changing hands next week, because I'm heading out of the country. More on that over the next few days.

To fill the void, make your way over to the annual festival held in my honor. That's right: The Giglio Feast. The feast will feature, as always, the majestic Dance of the Giglio, which should not be missed. Here's a brief, but very accurate, description:

Why is a Giglio danced?
For over 300 years in Italy, and the past century in communities throughout the greater New York area, this glorious ritual known as 'The Dance of the Giglio' has been celebrated each Summer with unbridled passion and devotion.

The Dance of the Giglio will also likely be on display at the Breakfast Club and points throughout Charlotte over the weekend, for those unable to make the trip to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, or the homeland.

Monday, June 30

'Just make it sexy'

In April, my friend Dick informed me of the amusing hiring practices at Whisky River when we dropped by for one of the bar's many grand openings. He had been creepily observing the tryouts from a window at work (the post):

They would show up in groups of "two to seven," all good looking and lacquered with makeup. Dick claimed to have overheard the following conversation outside his place of business one day:

Girl: What do I wear to the next interview?
Recruiter (male): Just make it sexy.

I asked one bleached blond bartender how she got her job. 'Like this,' she said, and closed her eyes and smiled real big. Then she mentioned her many years of experience as a bartender. To be fair, another also said she was hired after passing a test of her abilities behind the bar. Also for the record, she was young, blond and attractive too.

Apparently, this might be the practice throughout the EpiCentre. Or at least at Suite as well. Check out what Meck has to say at her blog "Keeping up with the Belks." She recently failed to get hired there:

"As much as it bothers me that this is how they determine who to hire, it bothers me even more that this is how they determine who to hire, and they aren't hiring me! ...

"But the point is, I have a good body. I realize that because I don’t believe in fake baking (in the summer), and don’t have plastic boobs or platinum blonde hair – that makes me not that desirable to Charlotte men at large. But I get checked out by the Brooks Brothers crowd and ogled by summer associates at my office enough to know that I could sell a ton of $8 shots to young professionals trying to get drunk on a Thursday night."

You can read her entire post here.

Best of luck to all the aspiring young table dancers out there.

Friday, June 27

Getting paranormal at Caribou Coffee

I just noticed a sign on the door behind my perch at a picnic table outside the Caribou Coffee on East Blvd. "Tonight outside at 7pm :)" reads the hand-written note on a piece of paper taped to the glass. The letterhead: the Charlotte Paranormal Meetup Group (a combination of believers and investigators).

Sure enough, just in front of me, about 15 people are finishing up what must have been an incredibly long gathering for what seems like such an off-the-wall topic. They all look normal enough, at least for the Caribou Coffee crowd. Surprisingly, though, they're almost all middle aged. I don't know what I was expecting, but regular potential moms and dads it was not.

I'm going to have to check this out. A woman just stood up to announce the end of the meeting. She must be the leader. Take me to your leader...

The leader: Ambur Rose. Ambur is a clairvoyant. Does that mean she talks to ghosts?

Well, first of all, we shouldn't get too caught up in how the media defines ghosts. Ghost means different things to different people. Someone who was raised Catholic might think possession and exorcism. A pagan or Wicca, on the other hand, might think entity to communicate with.

On top of that, we all have the intuition to know when someone's about to knock on the door, or get a chill up our spines when we just know something is wrong. It's just a matter of honing those skills, and looking into the feelings and what's causing them.

So Ambur has honed it. She's trained in psychometry. You know that sensation you get when you pick up an old memento--teddy bear, picture, postcard? The memories that wash over and seem to transport you to another time and place? Ambur might get it from walking through a (haunted) house. She could be feeling the wall and get suddenly struck by a feeling, sound, or image.

In other words, a family who thinks their house is haunted will give her a call and ask her to tell them what's been happening and why.

"Once they see a scary movie or two, they think they're going to wind up with Carrie in their house, or being thrown across the room," Ambur tells me. "What the media shows you is far, far different from what really happens in this world. They need assurance that something like that is not going to happen."

But on a full-scale investigation, Ambur is only one part of the team. There are also lots of people with gadgets. To explain that side of things, Ambur walks back into the crowd and brings me Tina McSwain, the founder and president of the Charlotte Area Paranormal Society (CAPS).

Homes and businesses can be haunted, especially if there was once a death on the premises (battlefields are almost always haunted). If a client thinks his home or business (or battlefield) is haunted, he'll make the call.

Maybe he's hearing strange noises: bumps, knocks, voices. He could feel unusual hot or cold spots, or see something that he just can't explain, like a mist cloud or flickering ball of light. Sometimes, things in the house even move on their own--dishes or cookie jars slide across the counter and smash onto the floor.

First a few members of the team conduct an interview with the potential client in person, usually after work (all ghost hunters have day jobs; investigations are free of charge). They get a feel for his character. Is he trying to pull a fast one? Does he have an overactive imagination? Is there a pattern to what he's been experiencing? Did someone die in his house recently?

If they think it's legit, the full team will head over on a Friday or Saturday night, say around 8 (they might stay until 4 or 5 am). Instruments include, but are not limited to, Electromagnetic Field Detectors, night vision goggles, thermal imaging cameras, digital voice recorders, digital cameras, a compass.

The first order of business, according to Jason Porter, a member of the Atlantic Paranormal Society (the group that's featured on the TV show "Ghost Hunters") who's moving to Charlotte and considering starting his own team here, is proving that there aren't any ghosts.

"The term we use is debunk," he says. "And we try to debunk all the claims first. Like if a door is opening by itself, we check to see if it's level."

Faulty electrical wiring could cause lights to flicker. Iron deposits under a house might cause weird magnetic spots. Short circuits can make people feel like they're being watched.

But lots of places also have ghosts hanging around.

Unexplained hot and cold spots in a room might give one away.

"One theory is that when a spirit is around it needs energy to manifest or move things," McSwain says. "They'll take energy out of the air, thereby creating a cold spot. I mean, it's a theory, you know?"

The best results often come with a digital voice recorder, which can pick up otherwise undetectable voices. McSwain usually asks if there's a ghost in the room with something to say. Or the ghost might just speak up on its own.

McSwain remembers an investigation during which the clairvoyant asked her to come into a room, because she felt the presence of a little girl. McSwain said she would, but worried out loud that she'd scare the little girl away. Hours later, upon reviewing the tape, a little girl's voice could be heard: "You didn't scare me."

Once the client found out it was just a child-ghost, she was no longer afraid.

This would never happen at Starbucks.

The meetup group
meets at 7 pm on the last Friday of every month. You can follow CAPS exploits at Ghost GRRLS.

**a few mistakes in the original post have been corrected

The Big Dog checks out Chris Rock


Another guest review from the Ballantyne Big Dog (read his last posts here and here).

In 1996, Chris Rock became a comedic icon when he premiered "Bring the Pain." The special, in which he riffed on subjects from media to racism, propelled him to superstardom.

And although he's made millions in movies and TV, stand-up is where his roots are at. Twelve years after "Bring the Pain," Rock showed he's still on top of the comedy world with his "No Apologies" tour, which made a stop in Charlotte on Thursday night.

Now, I've seen all of Rock's TV specials. Have them on DVR, and they never get old, along with Dave Chappelle's "Killing 'Em Softly." But nothing compares to seeing Rock live. He has a set routine, but ad-libs better than anyone else, like when he talked about being from South Carolina.

"But ya'll are in North Carolina, the future," Rock said. "There are still some 'colored' signs that have been left hanging up in South Carolina."

Gay marriage, straight marriage, Britney Spears ... as usual, nothing was off limits, ringing true to his tour name. But, the biggest roars from the crowd came during Rock's comments on the presidential election.

If I may channel Rock for a moment: Being able to do stand-up comedy during an election year is like being Brad Pitt at a sex addicts anonymous meeting. You really can do no wrong.

Rock went through all the candidates.

John McCain: "Everybody likes him because he's a war hero. Yeah, but he's a war hero who got CAPTURED. There are plenty of people in prison who have been captured."

Hillary Clinton: "When the Celtics beat the Lakers, the Lakers didn't stay on the court for another week. They left!"

And, of course, Barack Obama, who Rock supports. That didn't stop Rock from talking about him.

He mentioned Rev. Jeremiah Wright ("A 75-year-old black man who doesn't like white people ... is there any other kind of 75-year-old black man?) and Michelle Obama (Barack is going to have to get him a white woman, because a black woman can't be the first lady. 'Hey, honey, I won the presidency.' 'Uh-uh, WE won.')

Now that I've gotten my fill of the new material, I can get back to my couch and DVR.

More bad news on the banking front

From the cover story of today's Observer.

Thursday, June 26

Inside the changing world of i-bankers

My latest article for the magazine discusses how the financial crisis has affected the rich, cocky young professionals who might be the standard-bearers for Yup-Town.

Here it is.

Wednesday, June 25

More people are choosing cities

According to this story in today's New York Times, energy prices are pushing people from suburbs to cities across the country:

"Across the nation, the realization is taking hold that rising energy prices are less a momentary blip than a change with lasting consequences. The shift to costlier fuel is threatening to slow the decades-old migration away from cities, while exacerbating the housing downturn by diminishing the appeal of larger homes set far from urban jobs."

The article is well worth a read.

Tuesday, June 24

The Cage Bully

When the buttoned-up bars and clubs of Yup-Town are getting me down, I make for the Breakfast Club. A couple of blocks and a world (or at least a few decades) away from Trade and Tryon, it's a square and cement-walled oasis of debauchery smack dab in the center of a parking lot.

The $7 cover is often negotiable. On Friday nights, bottles of domestic beer are $1. The chairs downstairs are shaped like hands. Up top, a disco Rubik's Cube hangs from the ceiling. The movie that provides the bar's namesake, along with everything from 80's dance videos and wrestling matches to "Fraggle Rock" and "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo," are projected on the walls above a dance floor that's packed with all kinds of people.

And these people are always dancing. Sometimes, even break dancing, but usually just grinding and getting ridiculous to the music. The atmosphere is relaxed and fun and very drunk.

Except, surprisingly enough, in the elevated cage in the corner of the dance floor. In the past, that tiny, difficult-to-reach cage has been home to rotating shifts of the drunkest, most hysterical women in the club, who make the precarious, ten-foot climb up the ladder along the side to spend a couple of songs in the spotlight.

Recently, though, that cage has been taken over in force. By a bully. A cage bully.

The cage bully is built like an offensive guard. She wears intimidating boots and black attire. She doesn't drink. Instead, she commandeers the cage for about twenty minutes at a time, dancing in a manner that can best be described as violent and angry. When she gets tired, she makes a slow and wobbly climb back down the ladder, then waits right there in the corner until she's ready to go again.

Aside from keeping most of the other women away from the cage, the cage bully also acts as the resident enforcer of the cage's only rule: No men allowed. On a recent Friday night, I decided to test her. First, I tried to woo her with kindness, climbing up and poking my head into the cage while she was going through her routine to politely asking if I could join. She gave me a firm denial, referring me to the "women only" sign. Then, when I tried to pull myself up anyway, she gave me a firm boot in the shoulder and turned around and blocked off the entrance.

I retreated to the dance floor and waited for her to come down. Fifteen minutes later, she was back at her post at the base of the cage. When she turned to talk to someone, I made a break for it. I was two rungs up when I felt her enormous hand grab the back of my shirt and yank me back to the ground. I tried another lunge for the ladder, but she jumped in front of it, and could not be convinced or bribed to move.

Eventually, she climbed back into the cage, where she danced defiantly for the rest of the night.

If you have any information concerning the cage bully, or how to stop her, please contact Yup-Town immediately.

A photo from the good old days:

Wednesday, June 18

An Eastover resident's defense

A reader writes:

"I live in Eastover Ridge for a few reasons. First, they have very affordable housing and very spacious rooms. My apartment is a 900 sf single at a very good price. Second, they have great amenities. There are two pools, a good workout facility, and garbage pick-up at your door. Third, most of the residents are rather young and in their 20s. This makes it a fun place to live. Fourth, it is located in a safe area just outside of town. Finally, it is very close to my office and makes for an easy commute every day."

The prices aren't that great. The amenities aren't bad. His third point is probably right. There are always parties over there.

Basically, he's describing a dorm. His basic needs are taken care of, there's plenty of other people around just like him, and it's a short drive to class every day.

More on the New Balance prejudice

Late breaking development: They're not allowed at Suite, either. What's a casually stylish man to do?

Tuesday, June 17

Re-stocking the Yup-Town ranks

With several friends among the recent post-graduation migration to Charlotte, I've been doling out plenty of housing advice these days. With that in mind, here's a very condensed guide of my very limited knowledge on finding a suitable place to rent in Yup-Town.

1) Use craigslist. It's the most comprehensive collection of properties around, and also strangely addicting. First figure out what places in your area of choice are going for. Then check back feverishly; the good deals can be gone within a day, even an hour. For-rent-by-owner is preferable to for-rent-by-sleazy-real-estate-agent.

2) Never, under any circumstances, agree to rent a property you haven't seen. Sometimes, big apartment complexes will insist on showing you a model instead of the actual unit you'll be moving into. Abort.

3) The best way to find deals better than the going rate of craigslist is to rent from someone who has never heard of craigslist. Stroll around and look for signs. Call the phone numbers listed on those signs.

4) When dealing with a realty lackey or landlord, go with your gut. If the person seems slippery, it's probably a snake.

5) Choose the right area. Some tips:
- Eastover is for people who don't want to make the effort. It's Charlotte's go-to post-college dormitory. You'll know someone who lives there; use them for access to the infamous pool.
- Gateway is nice, but it's not uptown. Don't pay like it is. The man will try to get you here.
- Same with Third Ward, which also goes by the euphemism "the Warehouse District." You can't walk to anything but Panthers stadium. And Hartigan's. If you can't walk to Trade and Tryon without breaking into a nasty sweat, you're not uptown.
- First Ward is in walking distance. But you can get shot there. Seriously. Wins the award for best Euphemism though: "the Garden district."
- Fourth Ward is where it's at. Park, Teeter, Alexander Michael's. Entertaining vagrants here and there. It's far too expensive, but deals can definitely be found. They just won't be at Fifth and Poplar.
- Each of the surrounding neighborhoods--Dilworth, Plaza Midwood, NoDa, Elizabeth--has its solid neighborhood bars. But know that you'll feel detached from center city, especially every time you get in a cab to head to the main strip of bars. You can do Dilworth cheap without living in a slum (like I did). Look to rent a room in one of the big houses. The closer to Tyber Creek, the better. NoDa is a great area--if you just count the two blocks of its main street. Otherwise, you might be in danger.

6) I'll close with some words of wisdom, passed down from a man far greater than myself: Live where you play, commute to work. In a small city like Charlotte, the commute will never be too bad.

**also, check out the rent vs. buy map on this site: http://hotpads.com/pages/features/rentRatioHeatMaps.htm

Friday, June 13

Charlotte 'clubs' are getting snooty

First, it was HOM. On Saturday night, they wouldn't let me in. The guy in front of me with a t-shirt and chain? No problem. My two friends before me wearing shorts and sandals? Go on in. But then the bouncer, who actually had a European accent, stopped me at the door. He told me, in that filthy accent, that my New Balance sneakers didn't make the cut.

I began pointing at all the people in line wearing sneakers. Nikes, Reeboks, and Pumas, he said, were all permitted. Pumas? I tried to engage him in a conversation about proper style, but he couldn't be swayed. Then I reminded him that he was wearing a blazer with jeans. It was a lost cause.

A little shaken, from there my friends and I headed to Grand Central, or Old Faithful, as we like to call it. We hadn't been there, surprisingly, in a few months, but knew the free cover, cheap drinks, hysterical clientele, and dark and dirty atmosphere would cheer us up. Unbelievably, they were charging a cover. And the bouncers had taken to patting everyone down at the door. Say it ain't so.

Last night, we made our way to Suite, the fancy new club on the top floor of the EpiCentre (note the snooty British spelling). I was wearing jeans and brown shoes to avoid trouble. But a few of my friends were wearing shorts. No dice. After some arguing and name dropping, we finally made our way inside, only to find other guys in shorts already raving it up. Apparently you can wear shorts to Suite, but only if you're willing to fight your way inside. You have to work for it.

Charlotte may be getting a little full of itself.

Friday, June 6

HT success story

Jurassic J hates many things. But he loves the Teeter (for good reason). Another guest post from the last of his kind.

Yesterday I couldn't decide what to eat for dinner so I went down to the Harris Teeter and wandered around like someone that was stalking the wine-tasting lady until I realized I had free sub points. I haven't had a sub in a while, and I never tried the chicken, so this was a perfect opportunity. After picking up the sub I cruised by the meat section and noticed $4 off the 2lb 93% lean hamburger meat that comes wrapped up like sausage. This cut the price down from $7 to $3, or $1.50 a pound which is insane for 93%. Dinner for tonight and extra hamburgers for lunch next week. Done and done. I also picked up a six-pack of fancy beers (Red Stripe) for $7. My total was $10 and change, but it took care of my six-pack for Thursday night, Thursday night dinner, Friday lunch, Friday dinner, and potentially lunch for a few days next week and a late-night burger this weekend. Just another HT success story.

Previously, Jurassic J has disrespected the Bobcats and almost gotten clapped at the mart.

Thursday, June 5

Food Street

When trying to figure out what will be going on at any uptown event, you need only to check for one detail. What type of currency will be accepted?

At Speed Street, for instance, it was straight cash, all combinations of pocket change encouraged. And we all know what happened there. Alive After Five, meanwhile, makes you stand in one line to purchase tickets, then get in another to purchase alcohol with those tickets. Mind-boggling, I know, but it sends a message. A message that says, "We're so fancy, we invent our own money. Welcome to Yup-Town. Now please go wait in another line."

This weekend, there's a festival called "Taste of Charlotte" taking over center city. Some information here and here and here. I've never been to it. But I just checked out the Web site. The first link along the left side: "coins." Description from the site:

"Coins are used to purchase food samples, beer, wine, soft drinks & water!"

You can even pre-order them online. They come in "cups," priced in intervals of $20 at first, then $100. No telling how many coins the food will cost. Be careful how many you buy. Their refund policy reads, "If you have unused coins, you can bring them back & use them next year!"

This should be Yup-Town on steroids. Enjoy.

Speaking of yuppie spectaculars, this could get interesting.