Introducing Yup-Town's new author

You may already know him as the Ballantyne Big Dog, who has previously posted on Chris Rock and Kanye West and demanded that you come party in the burbs. Starting next week, he will be lifting up his left leg and claiming this blog all for himself. But since he's a Southern gentleman, he decided to introduce himself first.Salutations.

Get ready for the Yup-Town invasion from the South. Ballantyne, that is. I'm coming in parachute-style, like the Russians did at the Wolverines' high school in "Red Dawn."

But don't fret, readers. Most of the content you have come to know and love on this blog will remain the same. Except I don't have as many friends who get shot or almost shot. I promise to try and work on that.

More on what I'm about will be coming next week. For now, let's discuss something that is affecting us Charlotteans more and more.

The attempts by Harris Teeter to control everyday life.

First off, out in south Charlotte where I live, HT has established a monopoly. There are seriously three (THREE!) within a 3.5-mile radius. How lazy can one get? Really, is the one in Stonecrest better than the one on Ballantyne Commons? Do the employees have Teeter-offs? These are things I'd like to see, rather than that stupid dragon offering me a day-old sugar cookie.

Then, there's the VIC card. This little piece of plastic that hangs on my keychain seems to offer "deals," but it also offers hassles. If, for some reason, you don't have the holy card, now the Teeter can find it by asking for your phone number. No thanks, Big Brother Harris. I'm onto you. You're not fooling me with your double-agent sushi chefs and deli workers.

Also, whenever the VIC card is scanned, they always say, "Thank you, Mr. (or Mrs./Ms.___." For me, here's the thing: The last name they call me isn't mine, but an old college buddy's. How I got his VIC card is beyond me, but it'll make me feel better if I'm ever the subject of one of those "Security Check" announcements you always hear over the intercom.

Finally, U-SCAN: designed to save you time, but ends up doing the exact opposite. If you're buying alcohol, it doesn't matter if you're 8 or 80; you get the "please show your ID to the register now." However, half the time the register attendant isn't there, so you end up waiting. Since they're so intent on getting your information, they might as well have a retina/facial scan there. At least I'd be able to walk out with a 6-pack quicker.

I guess I could always choose another grocery store, like Lowe's or Food Lion. But I keep getting drawn to the Teeter. Guess their strategy is working.

Tips for i-banker vacations

From one who recently jetted away for a very sunny and sandy extended weekend:

"You have to go far away (so your blackberry doesn't work) and take expensive ones (so they are less likely to cancel them because then they have to reimburse you)."

These guys never cease to impress me.

Celebrate me

Yup-Town will be changing hands next week, because I'm heading out of the country. More on that over the next few days.

To fill the void, make your way over to the annual festival held in my honor. That's right: The Giglio Feast. The feast will feature, as always, the majestic Dance of the Giglio, which should not be missed. Here's a brief, but very accurate, description:

Why is a Giglio danced?
For over 300 years in Italy, and the past century in communities throughout the greater New York area, this glorious ritual known as 'The Dance of the Giglio' has been celebrated each Summer with unbridled passion and devotion.

The Dance of the Giglio will also likely be on display at the Breakfast Club and points throughout Charlotte over the weekend, for those unable to make the trip to Williamsburg, Brooklyn, or the homeland.